


Stay

by Demerite



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Cuddling, Fluff, M/M, Not Beta Read, Translation Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-11
Updated: 2019-05-11
Packaged: 2020-03-01 00:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18789619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demerite/pseuds/Demerite
Summary: “If I asked you to stay, would you?”"Are you asking me to?”





	Stay

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Останься](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18793138) by [Caracara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caracara/pseuds/Caracara)



> From the dialogue prompt: "If I asked you to stay, would you?" "Are you asking me to?" because it just screams Piler to me! Written in nowhere near enough time because once I get an idea in my brain that's it, appparently.

They don't _talk_ about what they're doing. They talk _during_ the sex, sometimes; usually just instructions and suggestions and the occasional breathless plea for _more_ , _please, harder, don't stop,_ and Chris is constantly asking Ash for permission, saying _can I,_ and _is this okay,_ and _let me._ So they talk. They just don't talk _about_ it.

Ash is fine with that. Really, he is. It's not like he _needs_ to talk about it. The situation, in his mind, is clear-cut. He and the captain needed a way to work out the tension that had been brewing between them, so they'd fucked, and it had been good enough that both of them keep coming back for more. It's not complicated. It doesn't need to be. The sex is a means to an end, and if it also means that they work better together on the Bridge, well that’s just a bonus.

So Ash is fine with it. Mostly. Sure, sometimes he wishes he could actually _sleep_ with the guy he's fucking, hates being denied that casual intimacy and trust when he's only just learning that it's something he _might_ be able to have, but he also recognises that he doesn't _really_ deserve it. Not yet, at least. He hasn’t done anything to prove himself worthy. 

He's putting his boots back on one evening when Chris, still sprawled across the tumbled sheets, says into the fragile silence, "If I asked you to stay, would you?"

It's said quietly enough that Ash could pretend not to hear it. That's Chris, always giving him an out if he wants one, trying to respect his boundaries even as he doesn’t totally let Ash in. Ash doesn't want an out though. Not from this. He never has.

He’s still holding the boot in his left hand when he turns back to face Chris. 

"Are you asking me to stay?" He asks, because he _wants_ to stay so badly. He wants to say yes, and climb back into that bed, to wrap himself around Chris’ warm body and be allowed to touch, to hold, to just _be_ beside him in a way that is so different from just sex.

There’s a pause, during which they just look at one another. Chris’ gaze is level and assessing, as it often is when approaching Ash. The quiet stretches between them, broken only by the low hum of the engines at warp.

“Yes.” Chris says, finally. “I’m asking.”

Ash doesn’t know what to say, or rather he does, but he doesn’t know _how_ to say it. The words stick in his chest, he can’t quite seem to get enough air in with each breath, just a shade under panicked. He drops the boot, hearing it thud dully against the decking from what seems like a great distance, and takes two halting, shaky steps forward until he’s within an arm’s reach of the edge of the bed.

“Yes.” Ash breathes, finally, and the word sounds too loud, too harsh, like he's admitting something that is too big for the confines of the room. Surely admitting it will break something about it. They can never go back from this. Ash doesn't _want_ to go back. Not back to the suspicion, the tension, the anger, the shouting, the frantic fucks in the Ready Room, bruises and bite marks and quiet shame. Not when he could have this.

Chris reaches for him then, and Ash lets him take his hand, lets him pull him down to sit on the mattress, leant against pillows hastily picked up off the floor. He tries to let go of the tension, the anxiety that's coursing through him, tries to breathe it away in a long, shuddering sigh. 

"Hey, relax." Chris says, but there's a softness around his eyes, the hint of a quiet smile. "This is supposed to be _nice_." 

Ash lets out a shaky laugh at that. He's _trying_ to relax, it's just not working. "I'm not good at this." He admits quietly, and that gets him a real smile. 

"No-one is." Chris assures him, but it's with the surety of someone who at least knows what being 'good at' any of this should look like. Ash isn't even sure of that anymore, but he's learning, slowly, that not every act of intimacy has to be a battle. He's learning to _like_ that, too. 

Chris tugs at his shoulder until Ash understand what he wants and slides down a little, until he's more lying than sitting against the pillows. Chris lays himself along Ash's side, close enough that they're touching, but not so close that they're on top of each other. For a little while they just lie there; Ash looks up at the ceiling and waits for his breathing to even out, and when he looks back to Chris, it's to find he's already being watched. Somehow, that doesn't bother him as much as it would have once. There's no suspicion in Chris' gaze, no curiosity waiting to see what Ash will do next, he's just...looking at him. 

When he realises he's been seen, Chris smiles again, slow and sweet, and something twists in Ash's stomach. He doesn't want to examine what exactly he's feeling, so he raises a hand, pressing it to Chris' cheek, and Chris leans into the touch, his own hand coming up to rest against the back of Ash's, holding it in place before he turns his head to press a gentle kiss to his palm. It's such a tiny thing, the barest contact, but to Ash it feels like fire rushing through him. 

Despite that, or maybe because of it, he shivers. Chris draws back immediately, concern flashing across his face and then settling there. 

"You alright?" He asks, and Ash is already nodding because _yes,_ he's alright, he's more alright that he's been in a long time, lying here with this wonderful, improbable man who not only likes him enough to repeatedly have sex with him, but apparently trusts him enough to sleep next to him as well. He doesn't know how to express any of that, or if it will be welcome if he tries, so he just nods. 

"Yeah." He murmurs back, not sure why he's keeping his voice so low, but it feels right somehow. They're so close. 

"Cold?" Chris asks, already reaching for the blankets, pulling them up over both of them. 

Ash isn't cold, he rarely gets cold now, but it gives him an excuse to curl closer to Chris, to tentatively slide an arm around his shoulders, and when that isn't met with anything other than a smile, to tug him tight against his chest. Chris goes where Ash pulls him, seeming almost amused by it. He rests his head on Ash's chest and slowly, cautiously wraps an arm around his waist, giving Ash plenty of time to object or pull away if he wants to. 

Ash lets him, sinks into the warmth, and closes his eyes. He's _so glad_ he said yes. 

**Author's Note:**

> Come yell at me on [Tumblr](https://demerite.tumblr.com/).


End file.
